# USC School of Cinematic Arts Personal Statement



## Smileylanie (Nov 9, 2013)

Any and all feedback would be very helpful!

My personal Statement:

Up until recently I used to feel guilty or make excuses for who I was. I always tried pleasing everyone. Before having the dream to behind the camera, for about three years I had the dream to be in front of the camera, acting. Skeptics got in my head and I gave up that dream. As time went on I continued to give up my voice and hide away my real opinion. I felt like the music I listened to, the shows and movies I watched, and the clothes I were not good enough. Not that they were not good enough for me, but not good enough for the people I would encounter throughout the week. 

I needed something that was mine. With this, I taught myself how to use photoshop, taught myself photography, and made home videos. I remember running around with the family camcorder and polaroid camera. If I was not doing that I would spend countless hours watching movies in my room on my VCR. As I got older and learned how to browse the web I discovered youtube. Hours were then spent watching montages, short films, and tutorials on making videos. With whatever piece of equipment I could get my hands I took advantage of it, and took the time to create. This was mine and this was something simple.

Because of this I got an internship and people started asking me to take portraits for them. It was nice. I felt wanted and it was nice. After two years of doing free-lance photography and a year interning I had to stop, because after creating for someone else and capturing someone else's vision for long I needed to stop. I wanted to give up because I did not feel the joy I once did. So I went back to the beginning and remembered why I fell in love with it all.  I had to create for myself. I had to go back to the little girl who would run around taking pictures of anything I though cool and making my own stories. I found my best work shows when I let myself create. When I let myself capture whatever I desire. 

This is where I found I am most happy. Not just in photography or film, but in life in general. When I put my worth in my perfect savior, and in the way I look at myself and not in anyone else. Letting myself feel whatever I want and enjoying the things I like has given me a new found confidence. A confidence that is ready to let life not break me, but help me grow. I look at things with brand new eyes now. 

Because of this, I feel confident in the stories I want to tell. I look at the people around me their stories and how they have affected me. People are amazing and crazy. People have the power to influence. The words they say and the things they do. Through everything people do they are trying to tell others something whether they are conscious of it or not. I want to tell the stories I see. Life batters and bruises us, but it also gives such joy. Through this all it creates an artist. It created and shaped me. 

I love being spontaneous. Spontaneous burst of confidence, emotion, and creativity. If I ever have the opportunity to I want to take these spontaneous adventures. If I do not I might not ever. So when I see something or I take that moment to capture it and take it in. 

One of my favorite quotes is "“I’m in a band. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I love punk rock music. Sometimes I use swear words a lot. I respect and admire gay men and women. I’m obsessed with horror films. I know what shame feels like. And guess what old man? Jesus is still my Savior.”. Although this done exactly describe me it says a lot and quite a few things do . Because as believer and follow of Jesus Christ, I realize I am not perfect. I realize that I will have bad days, but if anything I just want to give hope and send a message of hope. At the end of the day I want everything I do to reflect the worth He has given me. That is the center of me. His story is the ultimate story.


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